A Not So Happy Happily Ever After
by Sneezii-chan
Summary: After having his heart returned, Howl focuses his attention on many women, besides Sophie and becomes an even bigger flirt. Will a party with Prince Justin open his eyes to the pain he puts Sophie through? HS
1. In which Sophie loses hope

_**A Not So Happy Happily Ever After**_

**Hi! This is my second HMC fic! and my first shot at writing something longer than a oneshot! I know the title is weird but I couldn't think of anything better... if anyone has any better ideas please tell me! I hope you all enjoy it and please leave a review. whether it be a nice comment or a flame or constructive criticism I welcome it all the same. And thanks to all the people who reviewed my other HMC fic. **

**Oh and before I forget (which is something I tend to do a lot) a disclaimer. I do not own Howl's Moving Castle the film or the book. They belong to Diana Wynne Jones and Hayao Miyazaki, unless my pirated copy of the film and my best-friend's copy of the book count... If that's the case then I own them! **_:starry-eyed:_

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**Chapter 1: In which Sophie loses hope**

Sophie sighed softly, leaning her hands on the railing, as she stared out into the darkness that blanketed all the cities and towns as far as her eyes could see. Small shining almost crystallic looking stars scattered over the darkness twinkled at her, oblivious to her dismay. A cold yet gentle breeze caressed her face, allowing the silken strands of starlight that she called hair to blow freely. Her dark sapphire-blue evening gown billowed on the breeze. Unlike all the other females at this royal gathering, Sophie's dress was not revealing, skimpy or trying to focus people's attention on a certain part of her figure. It was a dark blue dress that clung to her curves slightly before flaring out at the waist giving her a full skirt, being modest and unrevealing, but showing off her delicate figure at the same.

Her dark hazel eyes shone, but in a way that was quite different to when she was happy. A liquid, an almost water-like substance, blurred her view. A lone tear rolled down her pale porcelain cheek, before dropping off her cheek and landing on the cool marble surface of the rails that she leaned her hands on. The cheerful chattering of the crowd of people behind her lowered her spirits further. Prince Justin had resolved the war that almost tore two nations apart and was holding a celebratory party, inviting the royalty of Ingary and all the wizards too. Howl, Sophie, Markl, Calcifer and even Heen had been specially invited to this party as a form of gratitude.

Sophie took in a deep breath to calm herself, before sending out tendrils of her magic through the palace. In an instant it located Howl, and through a few small praises that Sophie had uttered at her arrival at the palace, the wall was more than delighted to respond to her query and show Sophie exactly what she had requested; a view of Howl and the beautiful young woman who he was charming. Even though it hurt her, it was Sophie's right to watch over the man who unknowingly stole and carried her heart around in his pocket.

A certain quote that Sophie had read in a book echoed through her numb mind._ 'I want the person I love to be happy more than I want their love returned. Of course I would be delighted to have their love returned. But... if the person I love is happy, that's all I need to be happy.' _She remembered those words all too well. Sophie had always admired those words, they were so strong and filled with compassion, so selfless and thoughtful, so...loving... Ironically enough, they seemed to fit her situation so snugly and she couldn't help but feel even more disheartened. **(Sneezii: that quote is from CardCaptor Sakura. Tomoyo Daidouji says it and I always thought that it was very sweet )**

It had happened not too long ago, but it always felt like years ago, rather than just weeks. She had thought nothing off it at first, a crush, an attraction, nothing that normal girls didn't go through in their teens. Then things had started to happen, things started to change. She started to smile whenever he was in the room, she started to notice his presence even more, she started to notice things that she knew she shouldn't. But after his heart was returned things changed even more. She started to notice when he flirted with other girls, she started to realise how much she wanted him to be happy, she was giving up things for him and striving to make sure nobody ruined his special moments. His happiness had become more important than her own. That's when she realized it was more then a crush, more then attraction, and more then just a fling or a feeling of lust. She was in love.

Pure simple, god cursed love. And maybe she cried sometimes when there was nothing she could do, and maybe she broke rules by spying on him on a couple of occasions, but she had a right. Because, she knew, it was all she would ever get.

Like now, standing with her back facing him but watching as he charmed another woman, another one of his soon to be lovers. She'd probably hear them tonight as well, since their rooms where beside each other in Prince Justin's kingdom. She would probably hear him making love to this woman throughout the night.

She swallowed at that idea, her throat rough and dry, as she fought back images of him with that other woman. Just watching as Howl flirted with and seduce woman after woman was taking its toll on Sophie. Her self-control was slowly breaking down and the images in her mind contorted. No longer were they of Howl and his latest flame, but instead of her and Howl. Her imagination soared and took her places it shouldn't. The image of him kissing her was enough to send a warm tingling sensation down her spine. Her mind never wandered further than that, the sensation of being kissed was strong enough to override any other feeling.

She watched the woman, that lucky woman who would spend the night with him, and she wished, not for the first time in her life, that she could be someone else, someone who he would find attractive or even worth pursuing. It was a painful feeling to dream of being something you weren't, especially when it involved someone you love.

She watched through the eyes of the wall, as Howl leant in closer to the woman and whispered sweet nothings into her ear, before her imagination and longing spirited her off again. Sophie closed her eyes and indulged in the softness of his breath against her cheek, the warmth of the look in his eyes that made her melt on the spot, the gentleness of his soft lips against hers in a loving kiss that she had witnessed being administered onto many women.

Sophie's eyes shot open, her jaw dropping slightly, her heart racing and a rosy flush spreading over her cheeks. A hand had risen from the rail to cover her mouth as she breathed roughly and shakily. _'Oh god, what was I thinking?'_ She bit her lip, trying to force down these strong wild repressed urges. Once she had gripped her emotions tightly and forced them down, she brought herself back into the mind of the wall and watched the man of her dreams.

Already he was leading the woman away, secreting her out as if no one could see them. Already he would be leading her to his rooms. And already Sophie's heart felt the crushing pressure of seeing the one you loved leave with someone else.

A tug at the hem of her dress brought Sophie back. She looked down to see a small cream and brown dog holding onto the edge of her blue dress. Large dark-brown concerned eyes looked up at her. Sophie smiled a small watery smile before replying to the unasked question. "It's okay Heen. I'm just a bit tired, that's all."

The dog wheezed a cough-like squeak of concern and Sophie smiled with more sincerity, picking up the bundle of dog in her arms. Sophie left through a different exit, one that led to the garden outside rather than the guestrooms. Away from her only love and his happiness, because it didn't matter how much she wanted him to be happy she would always wish for more. But she knew, some distances where not meant to be breached and never would be.

Unknown to her a figure watched her carefully, noticing her every move or the subtle changes in her façade of happiness. His watery blue eyes hardened and turned icy-cold. "I always knew that Howl would end up breaking her heart..." A certain blonde prince muttered angrily before following Sophie.

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**And thus my first chapter ends:**_squeal:_** I've waited so long to be able to say that! I've only ever done one-shots so this is fairly big for me. If I get at least 5 reviews I'll continue with another chapter. This will turn out to be fairly short, maybe 3 or 4 chapters all in all. And to all the HowlxSophie fans out there: Don't worry it is a H/S fic NOT a J/S fic. Although there will be a bit of one-sided J/S in the next chapter... And there will be a lot more dialogue too! This chapter was sorta like a prologue I guess...**

**Please click on the little button in the corner and review!**

**-Sneezii-chan**


	2. In which Howl realises

_**A Not So Happy Happily Ever After**_

**Hi! I'm back! Thanks to all my reviewers! _Archangel Rhapsody, mistress of mist, Nights-girl, Simoo, Amulak and maxwell02_ Thank you thank you! I hope I didn't forget anyone... I hope you all enjoy the new chapter and please remember to review.**

**Disclaimer: The same disclaimer as in the previous chapter applies here too.**

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**Chapter 2: In which Howl realises what an idiot he's been**

Sophie walked forward, her heels tapping against the tiled path steadily, trying to fight the urge to break into a run. The dog in her arms squeaked, concerned and worried about her. She smiled down at him slightly. "I'm sorry Heen, I just need some time alone... I need to think..."

She continued to walk down the tiled path, without so much as glancing at the extensive range of flora as she passed. She kept walking, lost in the thought until she reached a clearing, with an elegant fountain in the centre. She sat down at the edge of the rim around the fountain and stared up at the moon wistfully.

A small squeak from the canine in her arms made her glance down. "Oh I'm sorry Heen. You probably want to go and explore." Sophie smiled softly before placing the dog gently on the ground. "Don't wander off too far!" she called as she watched him scamper off into a bush.

Once he had disappeared, Sophie's problems came crashing down on her again. "What am I supposed to do?" She asked helplessly. "I love him so much, but everyday he just seems to move further and further away from me... Does he regret me staying with him? Should I leave?" A tear rolled down her cheek at the very thought of leaving the Castle, the place that she called home.

Sophie's body stiffened, as she heard the faint sound of someone's muffled footsteps. She stood up and faced the path that she had just come through. She could see someone there, engulfed in shadows but standing there watching her. The only thing she could see was two sky blue eyes.

He froze, shocked at the sight before him. Justin always knew that Sophie was beautiful, but what he saw before him went beyond any of his wildest dreams. She looked like an angel with her silken strands of starlight flowing on the breeze, her hazel brown eyes shining with a deep and profound wisdom, her sapphire gown billowing around her. With the light of a crescent moon shining down on her, it added an ethereal affect and gave her an unearthly glow. She always had the innocence and radiance of an angel but now, surrounded by the darkness of night, tears on her face, her eyes showing deep pain and sorrow, she looked lost like an angel who had fallen into a world of misery and negativity.

Justin walked out of the shadows and approached Sophie. She visibly relaxed when she saw him. A warm feeling ignited within him. _'She trusts me!'_ he thought happily. His happiness swiftly changed back to concern. "Sophie, what are you doing here? Alone, in the cold? What's wrong?"

Sophie's eyes widened as panic swept through her mind. "I-I-I'm perfectly fine!" She fibbed frantically. She flashed him a fake and hurried imitation of a brilliant smile. "Nothing's wrong. Absolutely nothing!" She swiftly focused her gaze on one of the numerous plants to try and hide her horrible skills of lying. Deception and hiding her feelings she could do, but verbally lying was something that she could never do well. Because of her unwavering focus at a tree, she didn't notice that Justin had moved closer again.

"Just because you're smiling, doesn't mean you're happy." He chided softly. His hand gently cupped her cheek, his thumb caressing her soft skin and brushing a tear away at the same time.

Sophie froze at his touch, she had never been touched like that before, like she was something special and delicate that might break if you put too much pressure on it. She looked up at him fearfully, her eyes were wide and she was trembling slightly. The mousy shyness that she thought she had thought she banished returned full-force. She wasn't actually scared of Prince Justin himself, after all he had saved her life and comforted her when she was at her lowest. She feared that the emotions she would see in his eyes would be the same ones that she longed to see whenever Howl looked at her.

Her large fearful hazel eyes met his bright baby blue eyes and Sophie's fears were confirmed. He was gazing at her so softly, gently, lovingly. The concern for her own wellbeing shone through and the blatant love in his eyes broke through like a bright beacon that made all of the other emotions pale in comparison. It was so alarming that if that look had been from a certain man she would have been delighted but on anyone else it would make her feel terrified.

"Sophie, please," He whispered, a tinge of hurt seeping into his voice. "After all we've been through, I hoped that you would've learnt to trust me. I-I...I hate to see you like this. Please Sophie, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

Sophie stared at him feeling lost and scared. Her lips parted trembling as she tried to say something, say anything. Suddenly she broke down. All the walls that she had built up, all the power that she had used to force down her feelings shattered. She threw her arms around him and sobbed hysterically into his broad shoulder. Surprised by her sudden action left him stunned for a moment before he cautiously wrapped his arms around her delicate body. One arm around her waist, the other against her back rubbing it soothingly.

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Howl kissed the woman in front of him desperately seeking the same warmth, passion and love that his first kiss with Sophie, after getting his heart back had. Not feeling any of the sensations that he was seeking, he deepened the kiss furiously, longing for the emotions that he had only felt once before. Now that they were in Howl's room, the lady didn't seem as interesting as she had in the main room with everyone else.

A sense of foreboding and danger shot through his body. He jerked away from her, scared and fearful. The feeling of wrongness, as if something wasn't right, intensified and Howl suddenly felt as though he'd just lost something very important and special to him. _'What the—'_ His thought was interrupted by a huge spark that flew down the chimney and into the hearth in his room.

A fire flared wildly and glared at him with a furious demonic look in its eyes. "HOWELL JENKINS!" he roared. "YOU HEARTLESS JERK! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

"Huh?" Howl stared at his fire demon confused. "What are you talking about, Calcifer?"

The flames of the fire demon intensified flaring furiously. "DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULL, HOWL! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, YOU SELF ABSORBED GIT! SOPHIE IS OUT IN THERE CRYING HER HEART OUT AND TALKING ABOUT LEAVING! AND SHE'S WITH THAT _PRINCE_! AND HERE YOU ARE MAKING OUT WITH SOME GIRL YOU JUST MET!"

Howl shot up without so much as glancing at the terrified woman who was cowering frightened in a corner. "WHAT?" Howl roared. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! Sophie wouldn't leave! Especially not with a Prince!"

Calcifer gave him a pointed look. "She might not leave on most occasions but when she's as upset as she is, living with her _true love_ mightn't seem so bad." He snarled.

Howl felt his blood run cold. "Oh God! I have to stop her!" He raced out the room without a second glance to either of the inhabitants.

Calcifer glared meanly at the girl cowering in the corner. "You better leave now, or else I'll—" He leered at her menacingly and didn't even need to finish his statement. The frightened girl raced out without a second thought.

"Hmph... Stupid girl... I'd better go find Markl in case Howl screws this up." And with that Calcifer shot out, searching for Markl.

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"I just don't get it! I thought he loved me!" Sophie cried. "Or maybe I'm just not beautiful enough for him..."

"Sophie! Sophie! That's not true! You're beautiful!" Justin cried frantically trying to convince her **(Sneezii: that's a quote from the movie although Howl said it instead of Justin)** "not only that but you're kind and considerate and generous and..." He continued to list all the ways that Sophie was a wonderful person, to convince her that she was worth something.

Sophie listened to every word he said, a small smile appearing on her face. She wiped back the tears that she shed and nestled her head against his shoulder. "Thank you, Kabu. For everything." she whispered. **(Sneezii: In the Jap version of the movie, that's what Sophie calls him instead of Turnip-head)**

He smiled softly and held her tighter, pressing his lips against her hair. "Sophie," he murmured, his hand gently lifting her head to face him, "You shouldn't thank me for telling you what everyone else can see." Sophie hadn't realised but he was slowly leaning forward. When his soft lips met hers, that's when she noticed just how close they were.

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Howl ran frantically searching the gardens for Sophie. He was just about to reach the clearing when he stopped to catch his breath. He heard the sound of muffled voices. Curiously he silently moved closer to get a better view.

That was when he saw her.

She was with a guy. With Prince Justin, her apparent 'true love'.

She leant her head on his shoulder.

He hugged her tighter, pressing his lips against her hair. Justin carefully lifted head and leaned forward, his lips meeting hers in a gentle kiss.

Howl's blood froze. He looked to the ground, the only place he could look, and felt like dying. He was too late.

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**DUN DUN DUN! grins evilly would that be considered a cliff-hanger? smiles angelically Whoops, my bad. I guess you'll just have to wait for the next chapter to find out what happens :) but while you wait you can press the little button in the corner and tell me what you thought of this chapter! **

**-Sneezii-chan**


	3. In which an arguement starts

_**A Not So Happy Happily Ever After**_

**Woot! I'm back! and with the 3rd chapter too! Thanks to all my reviewers! I've got a total of 32 reviews! That's the highest I've ever gotten (freaks out and goes high) Thank you thank you! _Simoo, Nights-girl, terriah, mistress-of-mist, deshwitat'slover, feniricewolf, Katy, eunhYe, supershark1, something-or-other, ALECISMYHOMEBOY494452, KiwiKol, pygmy-pip, morromotherofwolves, louie, q, XOXGracieXOX, stupidxlovesong, rasberrysorbet, bb-and-raven-rock, a.k.a ettie, tessadragon, lalajoe88, ChasingStarlight_ and _adelia. _I'm glad you all enjoyed my fic! I hope I didn't forget anyone... I hope you all enjoy the new chapter and please remember to review. **

**And I'm really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really _really_ sorry that I didn't update sooner! It's just I had like 14 tests and assignments in 2 weeks and I had no idea on howl should react either... (sigh) anyway after this week I'll have a two week break from school (SCHOOL HOLIDAYS RULE!) and I plan to get the next chapter up by the end of my holidays.**

**This chapter was soooo hard to write... I had to write it three times before I decided that it was good enough... And I still think its bad... (sigh) I originally planned to have Howl freak out and get really really _really_ pissed but when I tried to type it out... I dunno it just didn't work... No matter how mad Howl is I just can't imagine him throwing a fit over one simple kiss It would make him just too OOC... So I re-wrote it, this time making Howl sad and upset... That didn't work either... It just seemed so _wrong_... It seemed like although Howl is a fairly feminine character, I felt like I was making him too (stereotypically) girly too sensitive too weak... So I wrote it again this time having an argument like I originally planned but a lot more mellow and quite a fair bit shorter too... It still doesn't seem right... Probably coz I can't write about jealousy properly... And the fight itself was so lame too... But at least it's better than before. Does anyone have any ideas on how Howl should have reacted? If you do please tell me!**

**Disclaimer: The same disclaimer as in the previous chapter applies here too.**

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**Chapter 3: In which a heated argument is started**

_That was when he saw her. _

_She was with a guy. With Prince Justin, her apparent _'true love'

_She leant her head on his shoulder._

_He hugged her tighter, pressing his lips against her hair. Justin carefully lifted head and leaned forward, his lips meeting hers in a gentle kiss._

_Howl's blood froze. He looked to the ground, the only place he could look, and felt like dying. He was too late. _

He felt as though a knife had just pierced his heart. He had just lost the love of his life. There she was kissing a prince, the one who was her true love, the one who could give her anything and everything she asked for. Howl loved Sophie and she owned his heart, which was currently being torn into millions of pieces.

_An image of Sophie and Justin floated into his mind. "Howl I love him. And he loves me. So we're going to get married and live happily ever after. Just like I always wanted. I'd invite you to our wedding but you're not even good enough to attend something like that. Maybe someday if you're lucky you'll find someone as special as I have." Sophie gloated. _

_Justin wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "You see Howl, you'll never have what we have and if you weren't such a self-absorbed git you could've." He taunted. Both Sophie and Justin burst out laughing and walked away. _

_They were fading into the distance while their laughter continued to echo in Howl's mind he crumpled to the floor and felt like someone was walking over the broken pieces of his heart and shattering it into little shards. "This is probably what Sophie meant about a heart being a heavy burden..." He whispered to himself miserably._

'_NO! NO NO NO NO **NO!** I won't let that happen!' _His misery vanished swiftly. He clenched his fists as a feeling of anger and unknown possessiveness invaded his mind. _'I'm not giving Sophie up. Not without a fight. That little jerk has no right to kiss _**my**_ Sophie! I love her and he's not going to take her away from me.'_

Howl's eyes flashed furiously as a jealous, green anger raced through his veins. He angrily stalked off towards the couple, no longer caring about being quiet.

Justin hearing the sound of footsteps pulled away from Sophie. Sophie on the other hand, stood there rooted to the spot frozen and shocked. She had been that way ever since his lips met hers. She just stood there horrified. One comment broke through the piercing silence and brought Sophie back to reality.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" An irate Howell Jenkins demanded. He grabbed Sophie's hand and pulled her away from the Prince. It was almost as though he was trying to protect her. Howl's eyes narrowed angrily. "I should have known that this party was just a fancy excuse for you to try and steal Sophie away from me."

"Away from you?" Prince Justin scoffed. "I don't need to steal Sophie away from you; you've already driven her away!"

"What! Sophie and I are very close! I have not driven her away! I'm only looking out for her best interests!" Howl retorted indignantly and slightly defensively.

"Hah! _'Looking out for her best interests!'_ Yeah right!" Justin scoffed. "I'm sure that flirting with every female you see is _definitely_ in _her_ best interests." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "The only reason you're even here is because you're jealous and possessive, now that someone has decided to pursue Sophie. You hate the fact that someone else might like her. But now she's mine. And I won't let her get hurt by an arrogant self-centered jerk."

"Well as long as she's with _you,_ I find that very hard to believe." Howl snapped, glaring. If looks could kill Prince Justin would be dead 10 times over. "Besides we both know that you're just using Sophie. After all, not only is she beautiful, but she's also quick-witted, intelligent and determined. She could win any crowd over in an instant. As a member of court, especially as your wife, she would be a great asset and make you a very famous King. Her strong natural flair at magic would also be quite beneficial to you to, _isn't that right?_" Howl stated smugly in a very patronizing tone. The last three words were even spoken in an almost sing-song taunting tone.

Justin glared at him furiously. "You! How dare you accuse _me_ of using Sophie!" Unable to control his rage at the outrageous allegation, his fist was propelled forward landing squarely on Howl's face. Howl responded by punching Justin back with just as much force and anger.

"I guess I struck a nerve, huh? Must be because it's true." Howl sneered smugly.

Justin's temper had just reached breaking point. He rammed into Howl forcefully, tackling him to the ground.

Sophie stared at the scene before her, horrified. Two men, who she cared about deeply, were fighting because of her. "STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT **_STOP IT_**!" Sophie shrieked. Her magic flared out wildly and seeped into both of them. It coursed through their bodies, twining around every last cell, and stopping them in their tracks, forcing them into submission. Using this newfound control over them, Sophie forced both of them apart. They stared at Sophie, stunned and shocked. Had Sophie been in a less stressful situation, she would have been ecstatic about the amount of control of her magic she had displayed. But this was no normal situation.

Sophie glared at them both furiously. "I can't **_believe_** you! You stupid fools! This was supposed to be a friendly get-together! A pleasant way to celebrate the end of the war! Not a way to be at each other's throats!" The look on her face had changed from one of pure frustration and anger to one of sadness and disappointment. "And what's more is that you're fighting over a completely pointless topic. Me." She shook her head in disappointment. "Do you both really think I'm just some object? Something that can be won and shown to the world as a sign of victory?" Her eyes shone with unshed tears. "Just because I'm female doesn't make me some toy. I'm not fragile like china, but I still feel pain. I'm still human and I still have feelings just like everyone else." Tears spilled out and rolled down her cheek.

Sophie's voice trembled and she fought back a sob. "Just because in this society women are thought of as lower beings, as _things_ for their husband to control and dominate, it doesn't make us any different!" her frustration was re-emerging. "How can both claim to care about me so much, when you don't even realize that you're continuously objectifying me! And on that matter, who gives either of you the right to be possessive of me? I'm me and I should only have to obey by my rules. I should be able to live life to _my_ standards. You can't tell me what to do or who I should live with or spend time with. It's for me to decide who I should trust and who I shouldn't!"

Then she turned to Howl, her eyes burning brightly. "Howl, answer this for me. Am I really that horrible? Am I really so undeserving of someone to love and to care for me? Am I really so foul and undesirable? Am I some kind of _monster_?" Sophie's voice cracked under the strain of fighting back her tears. They now flowed freely down her pale cheeks. "Is that it? Is that why? Is that why I'm undeserving of what every other person wants and needs? Am I some kind of monster who you need to hide away from the world? Who you can't let anyone get close to for fear of what I'll do to them? Is that why you can go out and try to find happiness and love, but I'm forbidden to? Is that why you don't want me getting close to anyone, in particular males? Because you're worried about their safety?" Sophie bowed her head and sobbed relentlessly into her hands. She raised her head slowly and stared straight into his eyes. She began to speak again only this time her voice was barely above a whisper. It was wavering and insecure. "All I want is love. To find someone who I love with all my heart and who returns my feelings. Is it really so wrong for me to try?"

Suddenly Sophie couldn't take it anymore. She just broke down. She tore off, not knowing where she was going. All she wanted was to get away. To get away from here and from all her problems. Tears pounded down her face as she raced away, all of the negative feelings she had been suppressing, finally released and tearing away at her.

She just wanted to get away from it all.

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**And another chapter is finished! (sighs relieved) This chapter was immensely difficult to write, I'm not sure if that's because I'm not a good writer or because it was a difficult scene... Oh well. Tell me what you thought of it please? Was it good? Bad? Horrible? I need at least _5_ reviews before I write the next chapter. I guess this will turn out to be a 4 chap fic after all. To tell you the truth I can't wait to write a nice fluffy _happy_ scene with Howl and Sophie, these other scenes have been so depressing... **

**Hopefully (if the reviews keep coming at the same rate as they have been) I'll have lots of reviews and the next chapter should be up in a week or two. Oh! And if you have any ideas or suggestions on how Howl should make it up to Sophie please tell me.**

**-Sneezii-chan**


	4. In which numerous promises

_**A Not So Happy Happily Ever After**_

**I'm back! Heh... Sorry I made you guys wait so long. I know I said I'd have this chapter out by the end of my holidays but I got sorta side-tracked... And then I had yearly exams to study for and a million assignments and our yearly reports and my birthday and then my dad came back from overseas and then my internet stopped working and then I lost the sheet that I had written part of it on and then I had a writers block and then — well the list goes on and on. I'm really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really _really_ sorry!**

**Thanks for all the reviews! _Princess-Maiden, KiwiKol, Deshwitat'slover, Ashley, ChasingStarlight, puppy444219, mistress-of-mist, Amilak, Terriah, louie, Bloody-Vampyre-Mistress, q, SpiritWolf341, coco-san, Tessadragon, Kamikakushi, Zehria, master-of-random-disaster, morromotherofwolves, jess, White-Fuzzy-Ears, Battouasi'sgirl, prettyinpinkgal, -Cinderella-Princess-, Nocturnal-Syn, TheBlackSpider, Gigi1o1, RayneAForbiddenOne, Lilith Winters_ thank you for your kind reviews! ****And I would also like to give an extra big thanks _Nocturnal-Syn_ for guilting me in to completing this chapter. I hadn't meant to take this long to write this chapter. **

**Ugh... Howl's convo with Justin sounds so weird... (bangs head on table) what was I thinking? I had a much better version but it got deleted and I forgot how it went... **

**Disclaimer: The same disclaimer as in the previous chapter applies here too.**

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**Chapter 4: In which numerous promises are made**

_She raised her head slowly and stared straight into his eyes. She began to speak again only this time her voice was barely above a whisper. It was wavering and insecure. "All I want is love. To find someone who I love with all my heart and who returns my feelings. Is it really so wrong for me to try?" _

_Suddenly Sophie couldn't take it anymore. She just broke down. She tore off, not knowing where she was going. All she wanted was to get away. To get away from here and from all her problems. Tears pounded down her face as she raced away, all of the negative feelings she had been suppressing, finally released and tearing away at her. _

_She just wanted to get away from it all. _

Sophie ran down the hallway, not even noticing the strange looks she was given. She raced through corridors, ran down stairs, dashed past room after room, until she reached her destination. The door. She bolted out, her feet pounding on the hard, marble stairs.

Sophie had always been an athletic person. She loved running. She ran away from so many of her problems, so many of the difficulties in her life. As a child whenever something bad or too overwhelming for Sophie would happen, she ran. Not to get away from the problem or to slither out like Howl did, but to give herself space and time to think. Through running she could find an inner calm, one that helped her focus and think things through. It helped to calm her down and rationalize. That was exactly what she needed to do now. She needed to calm down and think things through.

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Howl and Justin stared shocked in the direction that Sophie had run off, with their jaws hanging agape slightly. A small rustling sound caught their attention. They turned to the bushes and saw a small, cream and brown dog, with a very disapproving look in his eyes. Heen let out a wheeze of disappointment and glared at them both reproachfully. The look on his face was easy to read. _'You jerks, what were you thinking! I can't believe you did that to Sophie!'_ With that he trotted off, his small feet pattering against the pavement.

A wave of guilt crashed down of both of the young men, as they looked at their feet, thoroughly ashamed of their actions. _'Ugh... What the hell did I just do? I just screwed up any chance I have of convincing Sophie to stay! And I made myself seem like such an arrogant stuck-up jerk.'_ Howl thought to himself, mentally berating himself up for being such an idiot.

'_Damn! I hadn't meant to kiss her. She was just... She just looked so—Sophie's right! I have been objectifying her... Damn! I just wanted her to feel better. And I was doing a good job too! Before I screwed everything up by kissing her! But-but... It felt so good... Like we were meant to be! But she didn't kiss me back...She loves _him_ too much. Argh! I just destroyed our friendship too!'_ Justin felt very close to smashing his head against a wall at that moment.

He glanced sideways at Howl, who looked even more anguished than he did. _'Damn! He really loves her too. He probably just doesn't know how to show it or something... And I just screwed everything up for both of them! How the hell do I fix this up?'_ Contritely, Justin started his apology. "Howl. I-I'm sorry. I-I-I didn't mean to cause this kind of problem between you and Sophie. I want to apologize for my unchivalrous actions."

"It was my fault for getting so worked up. I'm sorry." Howl replied remorsefully.

"There's nothing to apologize for. You had every right to get mad at me. And just to clear things up, Sophie didn't kiss me. She loves you too much to do that." Howl's head jerked up and looked at him strangely. "I just want to be friends with Sophie. Nothing more. I know that I love her but I also know that she loves you and I'm not gonna try to interfere with her happiness. That's what's most important to me." Justin explained.

"Oh..."

"But," Justin added warningly, "If I hear that you've hurt her again or make her unhappy I'll—" He gestured threateningly.

"The last thing I want to do is hurt her." Howl replied sadly, "Although I already have."

"Then what are you still doing here?! Hurry up! Go find Sophie and stop her crying!"

Howl needed no further encouraging. He dashed off in the same direction that Sophie did, hoping to find her.

The moment Howl was out of sight, Justin's supportive façade fell and he buried his face in his hands. _'What am I going to do? He really loves her and she loves him back! How am I supposed to be her friends and stand there and watch my true love fall for someone else? How can I be a supportive reliable friend if everytime I'm around her I feel like losing control?'_ Justin sighed unhappily. He'd given up hope that he'd ever be able to be with Sophie. Friendship was the best he could do and the only thing she wanted from him. But it was _so_ hard to be around her! He sat there thinking about what he should do but also trying to avoid thinking of her because those thoughts always made him feel light-headed.

The Tower Clock began to ring as 9 o'clock finally came. Justin took a deep breath before a mask of polite happiness came over his face. He walked back to the castle hoping to do his speech and get out of there quickly. But he had also hoped that Sophie would be there...

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"WHAT?! SOPHIE'S GONNA LEAVE US!" Markl cried horrified. "But-but-but—She can't! She just can't! I don't want her to leave! She's my family!"

"I know. I don't want her to leave either. But unless we do something, she's gonna leave and go live with the Turnip-headed Prince." Calcifer replied, his flames blazing brighter emphasizing his concern.

They were about to start planning when a sobbing figure ran past them quickly. "Who was that?" Markl asked Calcifer curiously before darting out of the room they were in and following the figure.

She sped through hallways, down stairs and past many rooms. Markl ran after her concerned and curious. _'Jeez, who is she? She's so fast! I can barely keep up!'_ Being the naïve person he was, he only noticed one thing about her and that was the deep blue gown she was wearing. _'It looks kinda familiar...'_

She reached the door and rushed out, not noticing Markl following her. The moment they were outside Markl stopped in his tracks, frozen. His jaw dropped, his eyes widened and he stared at her stunned. Silver hair sparkling under the light of the moon, rich blue gown billowing on the breeze, tears rolling down pale cheeks. Of course he thought it was familiar! _'It's Sophie! Calcifer was right! Howl did do something!'_ He watched her run into the night, unable to say a word. _'She's heading towards the castle. I'd better tell Cal.'_ Markl broke out of his daze and turned around, heading towards Calcifer. '_I hope Cal has an idea on what to do now.'_

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His fist landed squarely against the wall which was starting to crack thanks to the magic he added into his punch. "Dammit! Where could she be?!" Howl hissed as he searched frantically. He'd searched the castle furiously but there was no sign of her anywhere.

He gave a defeated sigh and presses his forehead against a cool stone wall. He felt so lost and lonely without her. _'Sophie! Where are you? I need you.'_ He couldn't help but think brokenly.

A slight whisper of Sophie's name reached his ears and hope surged through Howl again. He dashed off in the direction that he heard it and came to a small room with two voices coming from inside.

"Markl! Calcifer!" Hope was flowing strongly through him. "I need help! Do you know where Sophie is?"

Markl and Calcifer turned to him with a fierce glare before turning their backs on him.

"Markl? Calcifer?" Howl asked unsurely as a twinge of doubt and fear struck him. He started to move closer.

"No!" Markl yelled. "Stay away from us! And Sophie too!"

"But Markl I—" Howl protested.

"You made her cry! You made her run away! She's sad and it's all your fault!" Tears rolled down the little boy's cheeks as he faced Howl furiously.

"I just want to go and apologize. Make things better."

"No! I don't trust you! You're just gonna hurt Sophie again and then she'll leave for sure." Markl cried.

"Stay away from Sophie. You've done enough damage as it is." Calcifer snarled.

Howl stared at the two of them, stunned at the ferocity of their love towards Sophie.

"You're not the only one who cares about her!" Calcifer continued.

"Yeah! We love her! And you always make her sad!" Markl added.

"We won't let you hurt her again!" They both stated defiantly.

Howl continued to stare at them, astonished until a small smile drifted across face. _'Sophie, it seems like my heart isn't the only one you stole. Markl and Cal are wrapped around your little finger too.'_ This thought amused him for a moment before the seriousness of the situation hit him. "I don't want to hurt her anymore. I love her too and I don't want her to leave."

Markl and Calcifer stared at him, taken back. He was actually serious this time. They glanced at each other uncertainly.

"So please help me."

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Howl was about to walk out of the room with new information from Calcifer and Markl about Sophie's location when Calcifer called out to him.

"Don't you dare hurt Sophie again! If she leaves we'll—" Calcifer trailed off threateningly. It would've sounded very good if Markl hadn't piped with his threat.

"We'll do something very horribly mean!"

Howl tried to fight back a smile at that. "I promise I won't hurt her ever again. I love her." He said reassuringly to the worried boy before leaving the castle in search of Sophie.

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"Sophie! Sophie, I found you!" Howl called out as he ran to Sophie.

Sophie spun around confused. "Howl? Wha—?" Suddenly she stiffened and glared at him, "What are you doing here? Why aren't you back in Justin's Castle starting another relationship with some girl you just met?" She spat.

Howl cringed at the venom in her voice but he tried to explain anyway. "Sophie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you its just that— I was afraid. I thought that one day you would find someone who you liked better or who was handsomer or more caring and that you would leave me... It hurt so much to just think that it could happen. I didn't want to get hurt and I thought that by finding other women to be with it would hurt less when you left, that it would make me less vulnerable... I didn't want to get hurt..."

"So instead you decided to hurt me?" Sophie scoffed coldly, "Howl, love is a connection between two people that's stronger than anything. In loving someone you give them the most important and fragile part of a person; your heart. You give them your trust and faith and if they return it you know that they truly love you. I trusted you with my heart and you just tore it apart because you didn't want to get hurt." Pain leaked into her voice and disappointment shone through her eyes.

"I do love you and I do trust you! I trusted you with my life and—"

"And I saved you. I gave you your heart back. And then you started chasing after other women." Sophie cut him off icily. "Maybe you were better off as the Horrible Heartless Howl."

"Sophie—" Howl cried alarmed.

"And besides," Sophie continued, not hearing Howl's protest, "trusting someone with your life is different to trusting them with your heart. Trusting someone with your life has dire consequences but if they fail you just die. If you trust them with your heart and they hurt you those feelings of betrayal and pain, they never really leave you. You have to continue living knowing that someone you love doesn't return your feelings. Quite often it hurts a lot more than the pain of a quick death does." She looked at him sadly, her eyes showing a world of pain.

"Sophie, I—"

She cut him off once again. "Howl, I don't want to hear it. It's too late, the damage is done. Just leave me alone." She whirled around ready to leave.

"NO! Sophie, please! Just hear me out!"

"No, Howl. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."

He lowered his head and said softly. "Sophie, I...I'm sorry."

Those words struck Sophie hard. After all that he'd put her through he was saying sorry?! Fury started to surge again. "Sorry?" Sophie scoffed, "You're sorry?? Howl, '_sorry_' just ain't gonna cover it. Saying that you're sorry isn't gonna change how I feel and it isn't gonna unbreak my heart or change what you did."

"Sophie, please—"

"I don't want to make another mistake. I don't wanna get hurt again. I don't want go through this sort of pain again. It's over Howl. Just leave me alone." Sophie turned away.

Howl lowered his head sadly. "Then you're no better than me..."

"Huh?" Sophie spun around and confused and bewildered expression on her face.

Howl continued, ignoring her comment. "A very wise young lady told me that truly being in love with someone means that you trust them with the most important part of a person; their heart. If you don't trust me enough to give me a second chance and instead break my heart then you're stooping down to my level. You're doing the same thing that I did. To protect yourself from pain, are you willing to hurt another?"

Sophie's mouth had dropped at Howl's logic. "I—" She stuttered trying to find a plausible comeback. She looked down unable to meet his gaze. Numerous thoughts raced through her mind but one was the strongest. _'What Howl said is true... If I don't give him a second chance then I'll be doing exactly what he did to me... I want to trust him again. I really do. I love him. But... But what if he hurts me again? I don't think I can take it...' _

'_**But you love him. Don't you trust him? He knows he's made a mistake and he wants to make things better. Doesn't he deserve a second chance?'**_

'_But what if he hurts me again? What if I'm not good enough for him? What if—'_

'_**Stop doubting yourself and him Sophie. You know that what you feel for him is strong and obviously he feels the same if someone as cowardly as him would face your wrath just for the slightest chance to make things better'**_

A look of vulnerability swept over her face as she looked up. A child-like innocence and uncertainty gazed up at him through her hazel eyes. "I—I...um..." She seemed at a loss for words but the look in her eyes said everything. She loved him and was willing to give him a second chance. But he had to wait for her to make the final move. Hesitantly she shuffled towards him. Howl swept her into his arms, hugging her tightly and vowed silently to never let her go. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his shoulder. A peaceful happy warmth flooded through her. _'This is my home. This is where I belong. With him.' _

They stood there in each other's arms content and neither one wanting to let go. Finally Sophie drew back slightly. Howl blinked at her, stunned and frightened, thinking he did something wrong. She stared into his eyes with a look of mock seriousness on her face. "If you ever do something idiotic like trying to protect yourself from _me_ by becoming a womanizer again..." She trailed off threateningly. Howl would've been apologizing like crazy if he hadn't noticed the mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

"That's never going to happen. I promise. There's only one girl in the world who I could ever love and she's in my arms right now" His sapphire blue eyes twinkled as he leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "And I hope she never leaves."

Sophie blushed and smiled shyly at him. "She won't." Sophie leaned forward and her lips met Howl's in a soft sweet kiss. "She's where she always hoped she'd be. With the one she loves." Their lips met again.

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**Wow... I'm finished... **

**I don't really know what to say now... Although I am sorry that this chapter took so long and that it's in such a pitiful state. I just lost inspiration. If you actually bothered to read this chapter then I thank you for being such a loyal reader. And please don't flame me coz this chapter sucked. I already know that. **

**Although I must say that I am glad that I found a way to end it without it sounding _too_ cheesy (I hope) even though I had to get rid of the line that I was looking forward to writing. I was planning on quoting DWJ and make howl say (like he did in the book) "Do you want to live happily ever after with me? It should be hair-raising!" (or something along those lines) so that it would relate to the title. But i just couldn't find a way to add that in without it sounding too weird...**

**Oh, and this might be a bit late but Happy New Year everyone! XD**

**-Sneezii-chan**


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